The Reality

We arrived in Ramotswa, Botswana yesterday around 6 PM after a short, sweaty bus ride. Once again, we were the only two white people on the bus, this time out of about fifty. I’m beginning to get used to the gawking and staring. The way they watch us, it sometimes seems like everybody in Ramotswa, from small children to elders, has never seen a real white person before.

            Life is not easy here, I can see people know and assume that because of my skin color, I have an easy life. It’s true… it’s painfully true. I’m here to help, but how can I help if I don’t truly understand what it is to have an underprivileged life. It’s only now that I realize I have not witnessed or experienced any true hardships in my life. There is pain in the eyes of the locals. I have not yet seen anyone who is HIV positive and on his or her death bed, and I can already feel the pain, the reality of it all.

            Yarrow and I have been experiencing a bit of culture shock. We’ve stayed in hostels and camped our way through Namibia… but even then, we still had a haven to call home and run to when we felt uncomfortable. Here, not so much. We are right in the midst of it all—the only two white girls for miles. We are living in the house of the program coordinator, Kitso. So far, things seem very unorganized… I guess that’s part of the reason why we are here—to organize things.

         Then there’s the culture difference. Today, I found myself staring in sheer disgust at a grey slab of frilly cow stomach on the butcher’s cutting board, the smell of rotting meat made me nauseous. I realized, to somebody, this might be a gourmet meal. I spook when large, fast-moving ants climb onto my feet and sting my toes… the locals are used to it. The claustrophobic, over-crowded, clammy bus rides are definitely an experience, but they still make me appreciate my air-conditioned car. I have grown up privileged, there’s no denying that. Being here makes me really feel the imbalance—the universal imbalance between third and first world. I feel that it’s time to start leveling things out. I want to prove to myself that I can live like the people of Ramotswa… I want to challenge myself. I want to understand. This is why I’m happy to be here, to start working towards balance… to give what I can and start pushing for social equilibrium. 

This has been very difficult and draining... I guess that's what I expected, but now it's more real than ever.